Animal Farmer by Tim King

Animal Farmer


Why  did  the  big  pig  sit  for  six  men

And  yet  the  pig  saw  you  and  ran

Saw  you  and  the  gun  and  ran

But  why?

 

See  the  hen?

The  hen  saw  the  fox  and ran

But  she  sat  for  you

Lay  egg  for  you

Not  one, but  two

One  for  you, one  for  the  gun?

Who  can  say?

Not  the  fat  old  hog

 

See  the  man  cow?

The  man  cow  saw  you  and  did  not  run

Saw  you  and  the  gun  and  did  not  run

Yet  you  fly  the  red  rag

And  the  man  cow  paw  the  mud

And  run  and  run

(Yes, the  man  cow  run  for  the  rag

But  man  cow, he's the  wee  tad  mad)

Not  the  pig

 

The  dog  see  the  cat

And  the  dog  yap  yap

'Til  the  cat  run  and  hop

And  lap  sit  you

You  pet  the  cat

And  pat  the  dog

But  not  the  pot  tum  pig

 

Why  did  the  pig  not  sit  for  you?

 

See  the  boy  who  cut  the  hay?

You  ken?

The  one  who  had  the  pot  and  the  LSD?

The  boy  saw  you  and  did  not  run

Saw  you  and  the  gun  and  did  not  run

Him  say, 'Wow, far  out, big  gun, pop  pop

Dum--dum  dum--dum  dum

Hey  Joe, why  you  got  the  gun  for?

Dum--dum  dum--dum  dum'

And  him  hit  the  hay

 

But  you  say, 'You  off  the  job  boy

Top  tip: not  out  the  box

For  hay  cut  day'

And  the  boy  say, 'Why  not, old  guy?

All  the  hay  got  cut

I'll lay  now  and  get  off

See  the  ram  and  the  ewe

Fly  the  sad  sky

For  hot  baa  baa  fun'

And  the  boy  lay 'pon  the  sod

'Til  Sun  red

Not  the  hog

 

The  owl  and  the  bat

Saw  the  Sun  and  hid

But  one  eve  you  sat  out

And  the  owl  and  the  bat  did  see  you

But  did  not  fly  off

 

Who  are  the  six  men?

 

Ali, Eli, Tom, Jed, Ian  and  Reg

All  six  men (aha) eat  but  veg

Pig  not  dim, him  hog  not  ham

Pig  can  see  you  not  eat  yam

Pig  see  you, pig  see  the  gun

You  see  the  pig

And  say, 'Yum  yum'

Doh!

Pig  say

'Sod you  old  guy  and  sod  the  gun

Sod  the  sky  and  sod  the  Sun

Sod  dog  and  cat  and  fox  and  hen

Sod  owl  and  bat

Sod  six  veg  men

Sod  man  cow, old  sow, ram  and  ewe

Sod  boy  who  did  the  hay  cut  too

Sod one  for  all  and  all  for  one

Run  pig, run  pig, run  pig, run!'

 

By Tim King

 

Tim King is a fledgling performance poet, expert web builder, fashion refusenik, dodgy singer, reluctant gardener and part-time artist’s assistant. In the early 1980’s he toured the UK as the wordier half of folk/punk/pop duo Tooth ‘n’ Nail. He also wrote and sang for indie band The Notleys

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2 thoughts on “Animal Farmer by Tim King

  1. This is absolutely the best poem ever! – I loved it…
    Make sure it gets in the next issue of Oddrot…

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